60 Degrees Of Separation

[NOTE: There will be guest writers for the blog during the week we're in Puerto Vallarta. Today's is presented by Brandon.]

Sunday morning was a balmy 28 degrees in SLC as we headed over to Adam's house. Ute Cab showed up a few minutes early, then we were officially off to el aeropuerto. The flight down was uneventful as we watched our in-flight movie, Hairspray. The approach into PVR is beautiful, very mountainous and green. As we step off the plane, we are welcomed by mid 80 degree and somewhat humid weather.

Our shuttle driver is waiting for us just outside of baggage claim. The ride to our place was interesting. People drive very erratic down here, but it seems somewhat organized. After a quick stop at the ATM we arrive at our condo.

It is just like the pictures showed it, which is a relief. I am always a little skeptical of booking accomodations in places that I've never been. The view from our balcony is amazing. Blue Chairs Resort is right next door. After a quick trip to the little store a few doors down for bottled water, we head to the rooftop bar at Blue Chairs for a drink...... or ten.

What was just going to be a couple of drinks before dinner ended up being a night of drinking at Blue Chairs. At some point we discover they have food there so we got a menu and end up ordering a few appetizers and sharing them.

We finished "dinner" just in time for the Dirty Bitches drag show, which ended up being a lot of fun. During one of the breaks between performers they asked for volunteers to come up on stage to play a little game for prizes. The others convince me to go up and I figure what the hell, why not. The game ended up consisting of choosing somebody from the audience and popping a balloon without using your hands, in a sexual position. So I chose some guy from the front row, cuz he was sitting right there, and bent him over and, boom boom, popped the balloon. It was fun and I won a few
free drinks.

We ended up closing that place down around 11:00. Apparently they close that early cuz they are on the roof and there are noise ordinances. We stumble across the street back to our place to call it a night. But we can't be finished drinking just yet. Adam and I went on a beer run. We caught a taxi to take us to the store where we found beer and liquor. We made it back home and had one nightcap then it was lights out until manana!

Apio Verde A Mi

Which of course is Spanish for "Happy Birthday To Me". Actually it's Spanish for "Green Celery To Me" but since the English version is so widely known, it was adapted.

This year's fest was lower-key than in years past. Though we did still manage to keep it going until 3:00am. Normal antics ensued. A few of the highlights (or lowlights) of the evening. It would seem either the camera was on the incorrect setting, or the shooter was on an incorrect setting.



Once again, John demonstrated his People's skills by dancing to Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.

Make Like A Tree And Leave

A few weeks ago, Travis, Tessie, and I went for a hike up Millcreek Canyon on a Sunday afternoon. Even though it was the middle of September and somewhat rare, it snowed the day before. This of course made the trails a bit muddy but it was still a beautiful hike. Our hike took us on the East side of the mountain so there wasn't much sun but once we got to the peak, the sun greeted us along with a spectacular view of Salt Lake. A little hazy but nice nonetheless.

We Salute You Mr. Speedo Wearin' Gay Dude

Ahh, the days are getting shorter. There's a little nip in the air at night. The leaves are starting to turn colors. Does this mean that fall is upon us? That too I suppose. But really it means that all the homos are now turning to tanning salons and artificial spray-ons for that summer glow. So with one last shout out to summer we take the scarves from our freshly done coiffes and wave with a limp wrist. And take one last river floating expedition.

Me, Craig, and Chad left the second the big hand hit 12 and the little hand hit 5. We drove to Evanston, WY (as they say in these parts, Evingston) and met up with Brandon at the boom-boom in his zoom-zoom -- he in his Mazda at Porter's Fireworks stand.

First stop after loading up on beer at Porter's Discount Alcohol stand (yes, right next door to the boom-boom), food. Wendy's was the place to be in Evanston on a Friday night. Next, a few essentials such as chips, cookies, and water. A very balanced diet. Not having other choices, we were forced to do business with the Beelzebub of Bentonville: Wal-Mart. Documentation was required to prove Craig had laid down his cash, which was hard-earned by laying down, at Wal-Mart.


Craig is the REAL star in the middle.

Back on the road, I saw a sign that I wanted to get a picture of on the way back but missed. It was for the store called "Package Liquor". Get it? Huh? Huh? Package Licker? Maybe I'm the only one who found it funny.

Arrived at the cabin, got unpacked and dove into the beer like Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) under a bathroom stall after seeing a police badge. Beer, music, giggling, then time for bed.

The next morning Craig and I struck out for the pulsing city of Montpelier. Pulsing as in a hemorrhaging heart with a gaping hole in it. But there was a great rug sale.


Any homo can spot a rug from 50 paces.

And some REALLY cool cars.


I can only assume the owner's name is Brad.

One the way back, we got this picture of what I'm sure is a lovely place. I just wouldn't eat any of their berries.


I've heard those sweater detanglers can help with this problem.

Greg and JML123 (John Martha Larsen the Third) FINALLY showed up at noon. We rallied ourselves and headed out for the river.


The turn off to the dam.

The water levels looked quite a bit low. We kept going until the halfway mark and almost decided to turn back but went to the top by the dam anyway. There we discovered the water was not as turbulent and definitely floatable. We all got in with our mesh laundry bags full of beer. Chad was the last to get in and after dipping his toe in the water, decided he was too delicate. He went back to Greg's car and drove it to the lunch stop.

The float was wonderful. Beautiful day. Sun came out most of the time. There were a few bruises while passing over the rocks but very pleasant. Both Craig and I lost our soldiers (beer) as we tried to get out at the lunch stop. But lots more where that came from.


An owwie on Craig's leg.

Back to the cabin. After opening the gate on the approach to the cabin, Craig hung off the side of the Sexterra and offered an interpretive dance. It was a classic piece showcasing how, throughout the ages, alcohol has caused many lapses in judgment. It was so moving it almost brought me to tears.


I am a sunflower, growing in the sun.

With dinner in the oven, it was time to relax and enjoy the wanning evening by destroying more brain cells. Brandon was in charge of the pre-dinner show.


You can't-a-have-a de Mango!

Yummy lasagna, salad, bread, and chips/guacamole. And wine. By the time we cleaned up and got down to the business of card games, I (rightly) decided that I had had just enough alcohol to walk the line between reality and seeing spirits of my forefathers. I think John slipped some of his people's peyote into my water. Off to bed for me.

I found out the next morning that I missed quite a bit by not staying awake. Though after seeing a video clip from Chad's phone, it seems wild elephants and Nate Christensen could not have woken me. Craig was "forced" to run to the gate in his post-30th-birthday-suit. JML123 had to dance to Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. But I was blissfully sleeping in a beer-induced blackout.


JML123 doing his native Navihonkey dance to Wham.

The next morning, we all cautiously rose and faced the day. After cleanup, it was back on the road. There were lottery tickets to buy after all.


Chad driving the zoom-zoom leaving the cabin.

Safely back home and ready to detox.